


Keeping Up With The Skywalkers

by Manul



Category: Star Wars
Genre: AU, Fandom (mis)characterization, Other, Sitcom, TV Script, place laughtracks as appropiate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 17:57:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6339520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manul/pseuds/Manul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Palpatine is shoved out a window in Revenge of the Sith, and fifteen years later Anakin Skywalker has to raise a family. Also, Lucasfilms hires the writers from Married... with Children to rewrite the Original Trilogy. Place laughtracks as appropiate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping Up With The Skywalkers

[The Jedi Temple. An elegant but small dining room somewhere inside it.]

ANAKIN: *Walks inside* Honey, I’m home! Huh? *Picks up note on the table*

“Sorry Ani, but today’s a busy day in the Senate. Please babysit Leia and Luke for me! Thanks! ~Padmé.”

ANAKIN: Alright, no problem!

[LEIA enters in with a lit yellow lightsaber. LUKE follows, walking slowly and meditating]

LEIA: DAAAAAAD! Luke’s talking weird again!  
ANAKIN: What do you mean, weird?  
LUKE: The Force to us, in many ways calls. Not by words, but by actions, change the galaxy it does. Hm-hmm.  
ANAKIN: Oh. Okay… Tomorrow I’m speaking to Master Yoda about that. And Leia, could you turn off that lightsaber please? It’s making me nervous.  
LEIA: Daaaad! What do you have against the color yellow?  
ANAKIN: I have nothing against it, I told you! It’s a nice color! It’s not… traditional, but…  
LEIA: You think it’s weird, don’t you? UGH, NOBODY understands!  
ANAKIN: Leia, my little princess, please…  
LUKE: Quiet words, the first step to understanding, it is.  
LEIA: Oh yeah, maybe YOU could use all that wisdom to grow a couple inches taller! It doesn’t seem to work for Yoda, though!  
ANAKIN: YOUNG LADY! I won’t let you disrespect one of the most esteemed masters of the Order…  
LEIA: Why not? You always do it with Obi-Wan.  
LUKE: Ooo, not even Mustafar burns like that.  
*Luke and Leia hi-five each other*  
ANAKIN: *twitches* KIDS, I AM YOUR FATHER, AND IF YOU DON-  
HAN: Hey, anybody home?  
CHEWIE: *roar*

[AHSOKA, HAN and CHEWIE enter the scene. AHSOKA has a look of worry on her face]

AHSOKA: You weren’t lying Solo, the Falcon is fast. *runs inside* SKYGUY!  
ANAKIN: Ahsoka?  
LUKE: Hi Aunt Snips!  
LEIA: HI AUNT SNIPS! And… Han… *Leia swoons*  
*Anakin looks at Leia with a ‘stop that right now young lady’ face and she stops*  
ANAKIN: What are you doing here, Ahsoka?  
AHSOKA: It’s urgent! Has anyone seen Obi-Wan?  
ANAKIN: Now that you mention, I haven’t seen him in… like a week?  
LEIA: Me either.  
LUKE: I haven’t seem him either. What if something happened to him? OH NO, what if he tripped into a Sarlacc? Or some snow beast froze him against the ceiling?  
HAN: …Kid, you alright?  
ANAKIN: Luke, calm down. Solo, stay away from my daughter.  
HAN: *confused Harrison Ford Face* Who? What did I’d do?  
LUKE: Obi-Wan needs our help! He can’t do it alone! We must…  
ANAKIN: Alright. Let’s take this easy. *raises voice* I’ll call Padmé and tell her to put the Republic on full alert! The fleet will do a full sector search! Ahsoka, call Rex and tell him to bring the best men he has. And tell Solo to stay away from Leia if he knows what’s good for him…  
AHSOKA: Um… He already left.  
ANAKIN: Efficient. Nice job. Now, where’s Artoo? I need my X-Wing ready, now! Luke and Leia, Threepio will stay with you. Call me if you see Obi-Wan.  
LEIA: But I wanted to go with Aunt Ahsoka! And… *sighs* Han~.  
ANAKIN: Stay here and far away from that nerf herder, or you can say goodbye to that Max Rebo concert.  
LEIA: Ugh. Fine.  
LUKE: No fair! You promised to teach me to fly the X-Wing, like, ages ago, why I can’t go?  
ANAKIN: Luke, stop. I will teach you next season.  
LEIA: *grumpy* It’s always next season this, next season that…  
LUKE: Yeah, I’d bet Mom would…  
ANAKIN: You’re thinking about THAT when OBI-WAN MAY BE FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE RIGH-

[OBI-WAN enters with a groggy face dressed in pajamas and a sleeping hat]

OBI-WAN: What’s all this racket?  
AHSOKA: OBI-WAN, YOU’RE ALIVE?  
OBI-WAN: I’m surprised myself. Why are you all screaming? Louder than usual, I mean.  
ANAKIN: We haven’t seen you in a week! Where were you?!  
OBI-WAN: In Tatooine.  
ANAKIN: What were you doing in Tatooine?  
LUKE: Yeah, that’s like, the most far away place from the bright center of the universe. It’s so boring.  
ANAKIN: Your old man is from Tatooine, you know?  
LUKE: But I thought you hated it, because it was full of sand, and…  
ANAKIN: *twitches*  
LEIA: So THAT’S why you didn’t want to take us to the beach this summer! Aunt Ahsoka, can we go to the beach?  
AHSOKA: I don’t know, I’ll have to ask Padmé first…  
ANAKIN: What about me?  
OBI-WAN: …Are you all done, or…?  
ALL: Yes.  
OBI-WAN: Alright then. I went to Tatooine to meditate. And sleep. How I missed sleeping. Nobody bothers me there. Ahoska’s pilot has problems with Jabba there, you kids don’t care, and your father has a peculiar reaction to sand. *Anakin twitches again*. It’s paradise for me, really. No padawans to train, a good cantina, no…  
LEIA: But… you aren’t trainning any Padawans.  
OBI-WAN: *blank face*. Really.  
ANAKIN: What?  
OBI-WAN: *annoyed* I feel like I’ve personally trained HALF THE JEDI ORDER. *points to Anakin* You are my padawan, and *points to Ahsoka* you’re my padawan’s padawan, and *points to the twins* and I’m quite sure you’re my padwan’s padawan’s padawans! Is there anybody in this room who ISN’T my padawan?  
CHEWIE: *roar!*  
HAN: *suddenly leaning in the door* Yeah, that’s right buddy. I think you padaWON that argument!  
ANAKIN: SOLO, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!  
OBI-WAN: *lecturing voice* Anakin,…  
HAN: What? Your daugther? What the- *Anakin force throws a pot at him and chases him*  
LEIA: DAD, STOP! *chases after both of them*

[LUKE, CHEWIE and AHSOKA laugh. OBI-WAN sighs and goes back to sleep]

[Cue credits and theme song]

**Author's Note:**

> (theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53DQgbj2mIc)


End file.
